Sarah Nigbor

I’m not going to lie. I learned not to expect much fuss on Mother’s Day. Since becoming a mom and stepmom, it’s been forgotten by my family a few times. I realize children don’t usually think of these types of things unless prompted by an adult (ahem, Dad), but my husband has never been one to revel in celebrations. I’ve heard (about holidays and birthdays) several times, “It’s just another day.” Well, not to me. My birthday has been glossed over as well.

I grew up in a family who made holidays and birthdays special. Nothing over the top, but special nonetheless. I also have a very festive mother, who passed down her love of festivity to me. I figure life can be dreary sometimes with responsibility, illness, financial worries, etc., so why not celebrate the GOOD things? It doesn’t need to be “just another day.” How boring! That is why I try my hardest to make the kids’ and hubby’s birthdays memorable, so they remember they are important to me. I decorate the house while they are sleeping, plan special dinners and outings and try to find gifts they’ll like.

I’ll admit, a part of me wondered why it was sometimes not reciprocated. I don’t do it for others so that I in turn will receive. I genuinely enjoy making others feel special and happy. It’s the best feeling in the world. But waking up on one’s birthday without a happy birthday from your own immediate family is sad and lonely. I’m not trying to have a pity party, but it’s the truth. It doesn’t happen every year, but it has. It’s even more awful when you have to remind them what day it is.

I definitely had low expectations for Mother’s Day, but I had made peace with that. I was looking forward to making my own mom feel special, especially since she was trapped in the hospital with a broken hip. She and I usually exchange hanging plants and go out for brunch. My grandmother used to be part of this tradition as well when she was alive. I always looked forward to it.

Another reason I had low expectations was because my husband has been sick for a few months, so I knew he had more important things on his mind, understandably. We are both drained mentally. Plus, my two middle boys had a baseball tournament scheduled, so that was the focus of the day. Again, as it should be.

I’m sure there are many mothers out there who have felt as I have at one time or another: Invisible and unappreciated. Staying up until midnight doing laundry while everyone else slumbers so baseball uniforms are clean the next day. Waking everyone up when their alarms don’t so they won’t be late, only to be met with ire. Working hard on a meal that the kids pick at and don’t want to eat because they’d rather have chicken nuggets. Cleaning the house top to bottom then having it trashed the next day. Being chastised by hubby for the one thing I forgot to do rather than thanked for the multiple things I did right. We’ve all been there. And I’m not perfect either.

But this Mother’s Day was one to always remember, especially during those moments when hauling kids to practices and games, thankless chores and endless requests seem interminable.

I received the most beautiful card from my daughter and three stepsons, plus breakfast in bed with coffee from hubby, and a hanging basket. It was tremendous!

“Thank you for all you do for us. Even though we don’t tell you every day, we are extremely grateful to have you as our second mom.”

“I love you. We are so thankful for everything you do. We really appreciate it. Love you.”

“I love you. You are the best. You are the best stepmom in the world. You are just like a mom. Thanks for everything you do and have done.”

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, whether it’s encouraging me, supporting me, and making me a better person no matter what I do. Thank you so much and I love you so much.”

It’s not often I’m speechless. The card brought me to tears.

Though we may not hear it every day, kids notice and appreciate what we do. We are planting seeds that will grow into flowers more beautiful than a hanging basket. They taught me a valuable lesson. And I didn’t even mind the 10 loads of laundry I washed and folded Sunday.