From the editor's desk: Living with a veteran

By Sarah Nigbor
Posted 11/12/24

I make it a point to attend the Ellsworth Middle School Veteran Day program each year and I’m always beyond impressed how the school goes above and beyond to honor veterans. All Pierce County …

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From the editor's desk: Living with a veteran

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I make it a point to attend the Ellsworth Middle School Veteran Day program each year and I’m always beyond impressed how the school goes above and beyond to honor veterans. All Pierce County schools do a fabulous job and deserve to be commended. My daughter attends EMS, so it’s required that I go to HER school’s ceremony (according to her). I also try to go to at least one other one.

My husband served in the United States Air Force for four years, so the day has special meaning for us. He doesn’t talk about his service often and seems embarrassed when people thank him for it. In his eyes, he doesn’t need to be thanked, he said; he was only doing what he believed he should do. Many veterans have this humble attitude.

Shane was a mechanic who worked on jets. He flew all over the world on missions: England, Turkey, Sicily, Greece, Saudi Arabia. He took pride in his work that kept pilots and his comrades safe in the air. A man of few words, sometimes he’ll regale us with stories about the heat and dust storms of Saudi Arabia, how he had jet fuel spill all over his skin once, or working in 60 below temps at the air base in Grand Forks, N.D. He can look at the sky and immediately tell us what kind of plane or jet is flying over.

The speech given at the EMS Veterans Day ceremony by 1stSgt. Daniel Navrestad (Ret.) really hit home for me. He spoke of the struggles veterans have sometimes returning to civilian life. He listed things to remember when trying to understand a veteran’s experience and how that may seep into everyday life. When he read the list, I recognized many of the items listed. My husband exhibits some of them. It’s important I remain mindful of that.

For example, he is uncomfortable in a crowd. Because of this, we have never gone to a concert or the State Fair together. Once when we took the kids to Afton Apple Orchard and the crowds were swarming, he wanted to jump out of his skin; we didn’t stay long. He’s not a fan of sitting in an audience at a play or kids’ concert and it’s not because he doesn’t care. He also never sits in a restaurant with his back to the door; he needs to see who is coming.

In the early years of our marriage, I sometimes accused Shane of being cold and numb and he thought I was too sensitive. We have since learned that we complement one another and understand that we’re different people and that’s okay. I’ve also learned that he was trained to keep his feelings at bay, to control emotions so they didn’t interfere with his work. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care just because he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.

I’m so glad our society is learning more every day about how to honor and support veterans. While we who didn’t serve can’t truly understand what they’ve been through, we can be supportive and let them know they are not alone. The mental health stigma needs to be erased, as does the hatred that permeates our country brought on by politics.

As we all stood together on Veterans Day in the EMS gym singing “The Star Spangled Banner,” we were one people, one nation, proud of our country. There was no room for vitriol or hatred, divisiveness or disdain. Our veterans sacrificed to keep us safe. The least we can do is be civil with one another despite our differences.

When Shane was interviewed by a St. Croix County newspaper about his service and thoughts on our country, he said it well. We should live by this advice.

“It shouldn’t take a tragedy to bring our country together,” he said. “We are a melting pot of different cultures and beliefs and we should be together no matter what and work for the common good of our country at all times.”

From the editor's desk, Sarah Nigbor, Veterans Day, veterans, mental health, column