Sarah Nigbor

Reading this week’s Woodworking Again by my esteemed colleague Dave Wood brought back memories of my own grandparents. My mother and I lived with them from my babyhood to age 12. I think that’s why I feel a generation older than I really am, because I was raised under their strict rules and old-fashioned, no-nonsense guidance.

While my grandpa rarely drank, and he certainly didn’t cozy up with any grain alcohol, he always kept a bottle of blackberry brandy in the fridge for medicinal purposes. I remember thinking this was completely normal, because what else was I supposed to take when I had a stomachache or terrible cold? I remember Grandpa doling it out to me in small doses when I really needed something to kick a cold or rotten stomach. I only got the blackberry brandy for a tummy ache if Angostura bitters and club soda, chugged as quickly as possible, didn’t work. Nowadays some people might swoon at the thought of giving a child alcohol as medicine. But you know what? It worked! I still do the bitters and club soda trick and have taught it to many people.

According to a bar blog I found online, “Bitters were originally created, marketed, and sold as a proprietary medicine to cure certain ailments.” They apparently trigger our salivary glands, which tells our digestive tract to be more effective. Our bodies treat bitters the same way they treat poison: The brain sends signals to the stomach warning of possible harm, causing hormones to be released into the gastrointestinal tract that stimulate the contraction of the stomach wall, speeding up digestion to get it out of the body. Makes sense to me.

My grandmother also had her own home remedies, some of which terrified me. I dreaded the thought of her mustard plasters whenever I had a chest cold. A mustard plaster is a poultice of mustard seed powder, flour and lukewarm water spread inside fabric and usually applied to the chest. It creates intense heat that can stimulate circulation, soothe aches, and reduce inflammation. However, leaving it on too long or directly on the skin can cause severe skin irritation, blistering or even burns.

I hated it because it smelled weird and I didn’t think it really helped anyway. One time she left it on my chest too long resulting in blisters and burns. My skin peeled for what seemed like weeks. It was so painful. I never had to suffer another mustard plaster after that and I know she felt so guilty.

While watching Ellsworth Middle School’s production of “The Music Man Jr.” this weekend, certain phrases in it also reminded me of my grandparents. Considering it takes place in 1912 and they were born not long after that, that makes sense too. I had to laugh every time Marcellus Washburn (played by Ascher Johnson-Hall) sang the word “Hussy” in “Shipoopi.” That was a word my grandparents used to describe women they found less than becoming or appropriate, along with “floozy” and “bell cow.” “She dresses just like a floozy,” my grandma would say about her intended target with ripe indignation. When I was little, I imagined a floozy to wear a tutu, bright red lipstick, lots of jewelry and high heeled shoes. Kind of sounds like Barbie, come to think of it. I don’t think Barbie was supposed to be a floozy.

My grandfather was a man of few words, but when he spoke, they meant something. His one-liners were legendary and I smile whenever one pops into my head. Some of my favorites:

When waiting for his meal at a restaurant: “What, did they have to go butcher the cow?”

When waiting for anything (sense a theme here?): “What are they waiting for, an engraved invitation?”

When asked what he was doing when it should have been obvious: “Knitting a sweater.”

His cuss words could also be quite colorful, much to Grandma’s chagrin. Especially when his chainsaw was misbehaving while we cut wood. One time he exclaimed, “Jesus H. Christ!” and me being an inquisitive little turd: “What does the H stand for?”

“Harold,” he answered impatiently.

When I told my grandma that Harold was Jesus’ middle name, she was less than impressed.

I miss them so much.