Sarah Nigbor

Life has sure thrown our family a few curveballs the past few years. And another one just got lobbed our way.

I’ve written about my husband’s grandmother before. She is a feisty 92-year-old lady who has enjoyed living in her own home despite mobility and heart issues. After her husband died, she was adamant that she would stay in their home and my husband and his cousins did everything they could to make that happen the past few years. Nan’s two children both died before her, so the three grandchildren (my husband included) are her remaining relatives. It’s made tougher by the fact that we live over three hours from her and her granddaughter lives about four hours from her. One of Shane’s cousins lives about a half hour from her, but has two small children involved in sports. None of us can get there as much as we would like and she refuses to go live with anyone.

Recently, their beloved Nan fell in her house when she was alone (twice) and can no longer safely live there without supervision and round-the-clock care. She has memory issues, doesn’t eat as she should, can barely get around on her own, can’t clean or cook and says all the days run together. Plus, her home has steep steps in it that are hard to navigate. The hospital social worker said under no circumstances should she return home to live alone. The problem is, they have to figure out a way to tell her that won’t break her heart.

I had to make the same decision with my own mother this past year, and it’s had its share of ups and downs. My heart aches for my mom and Nan, who just want to be in their own homes. I understand that completely. But what do family members do when that person can’t safely care for themselves anymore? My mom was hospitalized five times in two years and I was scared to death I was going to find her dead one day, especially since I live 40 minutes from her and literally cannot be there every day to check on her. It’s the same thing with Nan. It’s concerning when someone you love withers away to skin and bones because they don’t remember to eat, even when Meals on Wheel are delivered to them.

Another heartbreaking issue that has arisen is the fact that Nan has no way to pay for a nurse to come to her house or being in a nursing home, so she will have to sell off all her assets to go on Medicaid. She and her husband had told Shane that a 5-acre chunk of land near Bowler, where we have a seasonal campsite, was put into his name. It never was and now it will need to be sold to pay for her care. She also refused to put anything in any type of trust and kept everything in her name, so now her beloved home and camper land will need to be sold, which she never wanted to happen. The exact same thing is happening with my mom; we will have to sell my grandparents’ home that was left to her to pay for her care. The thought of it makes my stomach turn over; they never wanted that to happen. I grew up on that property and now it will be gone. Don’t get me wrong: we want Mom and Nan to receive the best care possible. But it’s heartbreaking knowing that if things had been done differently, we wouldn’t be losing property that has been in the family for a long time.

What’s the point in sharing all of this? Please make sure your assets are in order so that if you have to go into a nursing home at some point, the state doesn’t require you to sell everything out from under your loved ones so you can go on Medicaid. We tried and tried to help Nan and Pa plan for the future, but they refused to listen and now their precious home and land will be gone, when they wanted us to keep it in the family. Don’t put your loved ones in that terrible position.