Sarah Nigbor

People who know me know that I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I appreciate irony and clever wit.  

I often find things hilarious that some people might not. I also always seem to laugh at the most inopportune times, but that’s another column.

I realize that most of the time, police reports are no laughing matter. But you cannot tell me that some items in the blotter aren’t funny. I’m not talking about accidents, mental health calls, EMS calls or drunk driving arrests, burglaries, etc. I’m talking about some of the odd and silly reasons people call police. The reasons that make me think, are they serious?

My intent is not to insult or offend anyone with my tongue-in-cheek observations, but I’m sure someone will be. It seems like people are way more sensitive these days, even if something is not meant to be offensive. In some cases, that’s a good thing; in others, I think people need to lighten up. Laughing at oneself is healthy.

One thing that baffles me is the sheer number of suspicious vehicle calls that officers get, especially the Pierce County Sheriff’s Office and Prescott Police Department. It makes me nervous to drive down a street in Prescott for fear that someone will call me in for just existing. They come in at any time of day, not just in the black hours of night when shenanigans are more common.

I can see calling in a vehicle if they’re in your driveway for a while and don’t belong there or if they’ve been parked somewhere for a long time in a strange place. But more often than not, the vehicles called in are delivery people looking for an address, someone who is lost, or someone on a Sunday drive. Do you know how many times I’ve turned around in someone’s driveway because I realized I needed to turn around? It’s a miracle I didn’t see the cherries and berries looming in my rearview mirror.

What prompts people to call in a suspicious vehicle? I truly want to know. Is it because they see someone leave the vehicle and slink away into the woods? Or is it someone pulling over to take a phone call? Most of the time, the vehicle is gone by the time officers arrive and the call is a complete waste of time. Once in a great while someone is busted doing something shady. Have we become such a suspicious society that we have to call in every single car we don’t recognize? You tell me, maybe I’m wrong. I tend to mind my own business and if a vehicle wants to park on my road, have at it.

Another type of call I chuckle at is animal calls. My favorite is from several years ago when a woman thought a kangaroo was on her deck (this was not a drug call). I want to know what was going through her mind (besides wondering if she needed new glasses). How did she think it got there? What was it doing? What did she want police to do with the kangaroo? Needless to say, it was not a kangaroo. I think it was a fox, if I remember correctly, which prompts a whole new set of questions.

I also shake my head when people are upset something was stolen from their unlocked vehicle. If you don’t want something taken, LOCK YOUR CAR. How hard is that? And why do people leave valuable things like wallets containing money in their car overnight? You’re asking for it to be stolen. Especially when you leave your vehicle unlocked.  

You’ve been forewarned. If you call the police to report a mouse in your house, snake in your garden, a wallaby in your kitchen, or a mail carrier on your street, I’ll probably laugh when I read the report.

God bless our officers for taking the tough calls, keeping us safe and handling silly situations too.