Andrew Harrington

Many of you know me by Andrew, but it’s Coach Harrington today as I will be walking you through the guide to a successful first date.

Step One: Finding the right person

A flaw most people today experience is that they cannot find the balance between going on as many dates with as many people as possible and not going on any dates because they do not think the potential partner is perfect for them. Both of these strategies have low rates when it comes to finding your partner for life.

I am sure this has you wondering: How am I supposed to know when I should ask someone out?

While it is a complicated question, when you break it down the answer is quite simple. If it makes you happy to be around the person, what reason do you have to not go for it?

Step Two: Making the move

Once you find the right person, making the move can be a struggle. Some people have the natural traits that make it easy, and for others, the anxiety of asking can be too much to overcome.

The solution to the struggle is to play to your strengths. You do not see a football team with the best defense make silly turnovers on offense because they know they trust their defense to hold strong. They play within themselves.

If you consider yourself a funny person, try to keep the light, fun energy when you are asking them on the date. If you are more of a quiet, kind person, be yourself.

Even if you feel your personality is less likely to get you a first date than by stealing another personality, your odds of a second date exponentially decrease because your date likely agreed based on who they thought you were, not who you proved to be. When you are yourself, they are going on a date with the same person they thought they were.

Step Three: Planning the date

This step can come before the second step, but it made more sense to write about here.

First date location selection is arguably the largest indicator of how the date will go.

My recommendation is to do something that is just slightly competitive like mini golf or bowling. This is for a variety of reasons. The first reason is you really see who someone is when things get competitive. Are they as shy as they have shown to be or do they have the competitive spirit in them? Some people prefer each mindset, so it is important to see if they match that preference.

The second, and more important, reason for the competitive environment is that it allows for just the right amount of talking. Common first date spots like the movie theater involve virtually no talking, so you may not get to know the person well. Other spots like a coffee shop or restaurant are entirely talking, so the small talk can get to be too much no matter how interesting the partner.

In the competitive environment, you can balance getting to know them with seemingly unlimited small talk about the game you are competing at.

Step Four: Lock In

It’s game day, the perfect time to prove yourself. How do you do it? Be yourself. Being yourself is an absolute necessity because just like the playing to your strengths step, if you fail to do this, you will only ruin your chances at a long-term relationship. You will not be able to fake who you are forever, so you might as well show your hand off the bat.

Be polite, treat them with the respect they deserve and try not to overanalyze everything each person says because you are both likely a bit nervous. Many first dates are awkward, so just aim to find out if you could see the relationship continuing.

Step Five: Celebrate or move on

While I have made sports analogies throughout this column, this step actually aligns the closest with sports. The “24-hour rule” is a frequently heard phrase among athletes where you are allowed to celebrate a win or keep a loss on your mind for 24 hours. When the 24 hours are up, you have to get back to focusing on your life and your next game.

The dating world is just as harsh, as you still have to show up to work tomorrow and get back to your life.

If you do have a great date, you still have to move on because if you do not start planning your next date and let too much time pass between dates, you and your partner will gradually grow apart.

I would recommend about a date per week if possible when you just start going out with someone. That way it stays fresh but you are not separated for too long. Try mixing up the type of dates you go on.

Follow these steps, but also feel free to add your own flare, because like I have continually mentioned, being yourself is the most important step.

Good luck,

Coach Harrington