Dave Wood

Last week’s tale might’ve reminded you of “If It’s Tuesday It Must Be Belgium.” Most of what we described was a sort of “Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam,” kind of trip as we railroaded through Europe. We saw a lot and had a great time, but this time we thought we should delve deeper to learn more about the places we visited. And we did delve.

We bussed through Poland with Globus Buslines, which dropped us off every evening at a grade A hotel and got us up promptly at 5:30 in order to get our luggage loaded for the next stop and our appetites sated with a good Polish breakfast: cucumbers, herring, bread, eggs, hard tack … Occasionally we got the luxury of a two-night stay!

What impressed us both was the ride-along guide, Mishko, who was not like the Frommer guides who gave us a 20-minute bus tour of the city, dropped us off at a good spot, like Notre Dame Cathedral, handed us a map, and bid us good day.

Mishko held a Ph.D. in Economics from Oxford, though he was a Slav who “knew the territory” and enthusiastically shared what he knew. Furthermore, he knew the names of every female guide traveling in the same territory and flirted with them at every stop.

On each bus ride, he kept up a steady patter about finances, agricultural practices, Communism (including the state of housing provided by the government), and the Bohemian moral character (he preferred the Slavs).

One day as we motored through a factory city in Slovakia, we asked why the big factory was closed. We got an answer that made us know we should ask more questions. That’s what a Ph.D in economics teaches you to understand.

As you might be thinking, not all the passengers were pleased with all the detailed lecturing, and they needled him about “having more fun.”

A salesman from NY had brought along a tape of Frank Sinatra’s Greatest Hits, and asked Mishko if he would play them. No response. Mishko just continued with his planned lecture and even added to them in outdoor cafes where we “students” huddled together late into the night. We suspect that the NYC salon huddled in their hotel room, enjoying the silky Sinatra voice.

One day Mishko asked all of us if we’d like to avoid the hotel dinner and go with him to a family-owned and operated restaurant, where we would be served authentic Polish food, all the vodka you could drink, and musical entertainment provided by the nine members of this family, with a dance floor to boot. All for the small price of $30. Strictly forbidden by Globus rules, but who could resist such a fabulous (and it was fabulous!) offer. It even included lessons on how to dance a real polka!

One drawback of bus tours: the hotels are always outside of city limits, for reasons I need not explain. But they come with nice breakfasts and fully accommodating rooms.

Another great Globus tour we’ve taken was in Turkey, starting in the fabulous city of Istanbul, where another great guide, Soli Gokh, greeted us in an English that sounded like he was from Brooklyn (where he had lived for several years).

Sol gave us the inside scoop on all things Turkish, from circumcision to Kemal Ataturk. And the sites of Turkey were fascinating, from ancient wars and empires to sites from early Christianity, to bubbling health baths and beautiful beaches. This tour even included a two-day “rest break” at a 2-star seaside resort, complete with waterslides and lifeguards.

As on most Globus tours, tourists are given a half day or so free time every once in a while, to do some exploring (or sleeping!) on their own. A very good concept, which also made Frommer and Fielding of great use to us. We also found a more inclusive guidebook by Dorling Kindersley (www.w.d.k.com)

Next Week: Part III, when we two peripatetic piggies go high on the hog and plunge more deeply into foreign cultures.