BY SARAH NIGBOR Listening is a great, yet rare skill

When our kids are home, the house is never quiet. It’s like a cacophony of magpies that never stops. It’s like if they quit talking or making noise, the world will cease. They live to fill the silence while I live to find a moment of it.

Their non-stop chattering, asking ques- tions, giggling, fighting, screaming, and bab – bling is quite honestly so diuerent from me and my husband. We're both pretty quiet peo ple (although in a group or party situation, I can be a good storyteller, I'm told). I am ex – tremely introverted, but have trained myself to be extroverted. I thank jobs in the food service industry and newspapers for that.

Whenever I tell people I’m an introvert at heart, they laugh and tell me I went into the wrong business. I couldn't disagree more. Yes, as a journalist, I have to talk to people, often strangers. I have to ask hard questions some- times or confront uncomfortable situations. But I'm also a master at observation; I cannot tell you how much I’ve learned over the years from sitting back, keeping my mouth shut and observing. Whether it's at a court hearing, a village board meeting, a parade or even just plopping on a bench at the Pierce County Fair, you'd be surprised at what you learn if you just listen and watch without the need to reply.

I’m trying to instill that concept in my chil- dren, but I don't think it's catching on yet. In fact, I don’t think most of the world gets the concept. In the words of author Stephen R. Covey, "Most people do not listen with the in – tent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." We don't always need to be think ing how we’re going to respond or what we’re going to say next when someone is speaking. Show them the simple sign of respect of just listening thoroughly to what they are saying.

It’s one of the greatest gifts we can give people.

When we receive complaints at the news- paper (because unfortunately, we're not robots and we're not perfect), I've found the best way to handle an irate reader is to just shut up and let them vent or talk. Granted, I won’t hang on the phone for an hour or listen to them cuss me out, but usually if I just allow them to say what they want to say, a good resolution or under- standing can be reached. Most of the time, the person just wants to be heard. If I spend the time defending myself, which I may do at the end if it’s warranted, I’m not actively listening to the person. Plus, they won't be listening to me anyway. Another quote comes to mind in this situation, by author Alaric Hutchinson: "Bravery is the choice to show up and listen to another person, be it a loved one or perceived foe, even when it is uncomfortable, painful, or the last thing you want to do.”

I can honestly say, I am a person whose mind can be changed and I think that is a good thing. I try not to be so set in my ideas and ways that a common-sense argument can’t give me another perspective. In this life, there is often more gray than black and white, especially in ideals and politics. I wish more people would realize that. I’m not saying don’t stick to your values or your ideals: but realize there may be more than one answer that is "correct." On that note, I’ll leave you with one last quote to ponder: "Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty, Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to re- ply. We listed for what's behind the words." ~ author Roy T. Bennett