Sarah Nigbor

Life is full of tough decisions, some harder to make than others. I recently had to make a really hard one, leaving my heart feeling bruised.

My daughter has been in 4-H since she was 5 years old, with the Martell Rushers club. Led by the dynamic duo of Jenny Hince and Paula Knutson, we absolutely loved our club and the people in it. They immediately made us feel welcome, and we’ve both made many friends over the years. The Martell Town Hall, where meetings are held, became like a second little home. I watched my daughter grow from a shy, terrified Cloverbud afraid to speak at meetings into a strong, confident young woman who loves being a role model to the younger members. 4-H is one of the best things in her life.

When Paula and Jenny “retired” almost two years ago, another club parent and I stepped up to lead. I was hesitant at first, because I knew it would be a big commitment of time and energy. And to be honest, who could possibly fill Paula and Jenny’s shoes? No one, of course, but all we could do was our best.

Over the past year and a half, I have loved every second of it. I had hopes of being one of the storied longtime leaders in our county (it would be tough to ever surpass Evy Johnson’s 50-plus years or my friend Shari Turvaville’s 30 years), but that is not to be. At least not right now.

For years, my health was declining and no one could figure out why. I went from being full of energy to being plagued with mysterious swelling, inflammation, pain and illnesses. When I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, my doctor told me something I didn’t want to hear. “Cut down on your stress,” she said. “That is not a suggestion, it’s an order. You have to figure out a way. Something has to give.”

I literally laughed out loud when she said that. Working two jobs and raising four kids; where do you cut out the stress? You can’t. It’s not like I can quit being a mother (nor would I want to). I haven’t won the lottery, so the jobs have to stay. I can’t become a woman of leisure. With kids, running to activities and sports nearly seven days a week, that’s not stopping anytime soon. Helping my mother through multiple health crises and her subsequent move to assisted living, that’s been stressful. None of those things are going away; so where to reduce stress?

There was one place and I refused to even consider it at first. I had to ponder it for some time. That’s when I came to the realization that it isn’t about me: It’s about the kids. And what was fair for the Martell Rushers kids? Letting go of my pride and stepping aside. I had had to cancel or postpone club activities a few times due to not feeling well. It’s hard to explain, but when I don’t feel well, it’s not always something I can power through, though some days I can. Some days I feel like I was run over by a truck, due to pain and fatigue. Hopefully with treatment and physical therapy (which I have started), that will get better over time. But until then, I felt the kids and families deserve a leader who doesn’t have to possibly back out of things, who has the energy to lead with vigor, who isn’t just “there.” I made the decision to resign as a 4-H leader.

Part of me felt ashamed, like I wasn’t fulfilling my duties, that I was letting people down. I despise letting people down. The other part felt sad, because deep down, right now, I know it’s the right choice. I have to do what’s best for me. I have to fill my cup back up and take care of my health, so that I can fully be myself again.

The Pierce County 4-H community has been absolutely amazing in supporting my decision. I can’t thank April Daniels, Brenda Randleman and the Martell Rushers enough. And I got to go out with a bang: I made my stage debut (as an understudy) in our club’s drama at the Performing Arts Festival, playing Petunia in “Badlands Ballyhoo.” 4-H will always be a part of our lives and I am grateful.