Sarah Nigbor

My family and I went to a buffet in a nearby city on Sunday for Easter dinner. It was definitely a treat to not have to cook or do the dishes. This way everyone got to eat exactly what they wanted with no fuss. It was luxury.

It also came with some unexpected entertainment. The Easter Bunny was at the restaurant, skulking around the dining tables looking for children to visit. Why is it that so many Easter bunny costumes look completely deranged? I know they’re trying to be cute, but oftentimes they look either surprised (not in a good way), terrified or psychotic. Is there a conspiracy in the costume world to make Peter Cottontail look insane? No offense to the person wearing this costume, but if I was a kid, I would have run the other way. Which is exactly what happened in about 50% of cases.

The other half of kids tentatively allowed the bunny to approach, usually held in place by a parent wielding a cell phone to get a picture of their child with the deranged, I mean darling, bunny. There were very few children who smiled with joy while posing with the rabbit. Most looked ready to bolt as soon as the opportunity arose.

I almost choked on my cheesecake when the rabbit decided to stalk my mother. As Mom made her way back from the salad bar, the bunny pranced along behind her, making gestures like it was going to hug her or catch her – I couldn’t tell which. My totally unsuspecting mother had no idea what was going on behind her. All she could see was me laughing hysterically. When she whipped around, the rabbit darted away, looking for someone else to torture.

I remember the first time my daughter saw the Easter Bunny. She was about 9 months old and screamed her head off as her dad held her on the rabbit’s lap. The poor child was probably scarred for life. The same thing happened the first time she met Santa Claus too. She screamed bloody murder and threw her rigid body off his lap, just in time for the camera to capture this delightful moment in time. Why do we do this to kids?

The first time I met Santa Claus, at the old Country Kitchen in River Falls, I apparently took one look at him and vomited all over my mom’s new Christmas sweater. Luckily that was not caught on camera. And luckily, I don’t remember it.

I remember being horrified listening to my grandma’s stories about the Julebukk when she was growing up. Much like trick or treating, this activity took place between Christmas and the New Year. Groups of people would roam the neighborhood at night, knocking on doors and singing Christmas songs in exchange for treats and candy. After each stop someone from that house had to join the group and continue on to the next house. This part sounded fun, but not the fact that someone in the group was always dressed as the Norwegian Christmas goat, or the Julebukk. People had to try to guess who was wearing the goat head. If I had seen someone roaming in the dark dressed like a goat I would have screamed. And seeing photos of these Julebukks makes the deranged Easter Bunny look sweet. They looked like something out of a bad horror movie.

Apparently the legend of the Julebukk comes from stories of ancient Norse gods. Thor rode across the sky in a chariot pulled by two goats. Thor can keep his goats and the Easter Bunny can join them as far as I am concerned.