From the editor's desk: If I was president...

By
Posted 1/29/25

Well, it’s been an interesting first week in office for President Donald Trump. I don’t want to get into politics here, since frankly it’s none of anyone’s business who I …

This item is available in full to subscribers.

Please log in to continue

Log in

From the editor's desk: If I was president...

Posted

Well, it’s been an interesting first week in office for President Donald Trump. I don’t want to get into politics here, since frankly it’s none of anyone’s business who I support and don’t. However, if I were president and could sign anything into law that I wanted, I’d have quite the list.

So for fun, let’s pretend we all live in Sarahtopia. If Trump can change a map, so can I. This is what you would have to look forward to if I ruled the land.

People would be banned from speaker calls on their phones in public. I don’t want to hear the conversation between you and your aunt Mabel about her bowel issues. I don’t care that your mother is on vacation in Bermuda and the daiquiris are divine. I certainly don’t need to hear you and your significant other bicker back and forth over your household duties. People should never have their phones on speaker in public. I also despise it when people blast videos on their phones for the world to hear. Use earbuds for God’s sake or mute it. No one cares what you’re talking about or watching and frankly, you’re rude by forcing the rest of us to listen to it.

Parents wouldn’t be allowed to coach their own kids’ sports teams. This one would be first on my list. Throughout our experience with traveling sports for our four kids, I cannot tell you how often we’ve seen blatant favoritism. I’ve seen coaches’ kids bawl, throw themselves on the ground in a tantrum, pout, throw equipment and scream in anger, yet they still get to play, and usually a prime position even if there are other kids who could do it better. It's absolutely infuriating to field questions from a heartbroken child who works really hard, but doesn’t see the playing time the coaches’ kids and their cronies get. Yes, it happens. And it shouldn’t. Traveling sports are meant to develop the skills of all players, not favor a few. Let the elites be separated from the rest when they get to high school. How can anyone get better if no matter how much work they put in (on and off the field/court), it won’t matter because of their last name and who they know.

It would be illegal to be a Vikings/Twins/Gophers fan living in Wisconsin. If you live in Wisconsin, you should cheer for Wisconsin teams. It’s sad to see so much purple and yellow in our schools when it should be green and gold. Skol your way back to Minnesota. Why did you move here in the first place if Minnesota is so great? Stay on your side of the river. Pierce County won’t be rural anymore if people keep flocking here to live in “the country.” I said what I said.

Developers could not build cookie cutter developments where all the houses look the same. I would ban tan vinyl siding and require that all homes have unique character, gorgeous woodwork and do not look like other houses on their block. Yes, this would cost money, but in Sarahtopia and for the sake of this column, it would not be an issue. I love older homes because they were actually built with care and attention to detail. I despise cookie cutter homes that all look the same with white walls, tan carpet, tan counters and tan flooring. They’re depressing. There’s nothing fun or special about them. Give me brick, wood and stone any day. And I apologize if I offended anyone who lives in a tan house. I too have lived in a tan house before.

People who litter or don’t pick up dog poop would be punished. If you’re too lazy to throw your trash in a proper garbage can and choose to spread it along our roadsides, I would find you and make sure the garbage collectors dump all the town’s trash on your property. Same goes for people too lazy to pick up their dog’s poop. They would get loads of dog poo dumped on their lawns so they could see how much fun it is to pick up.

Children would be banned from social media and the internet on their phones until age 18. This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you have kids with a phone, you know what I mean. Tearing them away from their phones is like taking a nook from a screaming baby. Phones would strictly be for calling and texting only.

If you have any laws you’d like me to consider in Sarahtopia, send them my way at sarah@piercecountyjournal.news I’d love to hear them!

 

From the editor's desk, Sarah Nigbor, president, column