Sarah Nigbor

News headlines have been dominated by “the Cornell 7.” A former Cornell University student, filing under the pseudonym Jane Doe, alleged she was drugged and gang-raped by seven fraternity members at the Chi Phi house on Oct. 19, 2024.

This isn’t a comfortable topic. You might be sick of hearing about it. In my opinion, we need to talk about it more. A lot more.

And before anyone says that we don’t have all the facts about that night, that’s true. We don’t. They will come out in the court process. But whether or not those men are convicted, the point is this story isn’t uncommon. Whether or not it’s true, and I believe it is, there are thousands more that ARE true. Women being treated like objects put on earth for men’s sexual gratification. And I for one am angered, sickened and distraught over it.

Yes, there are good men out there who would never consider doing such a thing. I am lucky to be married to one of them. I was raised in a family that respects women. Not every woman is so lucky.

But being a good man who would never do such a thing is not enough. What about the 50+ men who were allegedly on the Cornell group chat in which Jane Doe was offered up like meat? Why didn’t any of them have the courage to help her? Report it to the police? Stand up and say it was wrong? An article published on PBS said the number one reason men gave: Because they don’t want to appear weak in front of other men.

I don’t want my daughter growing up in a world where men raping women is justified by blaming her for dressing too provocatively, or going to a bar with friends, or going on a date that turns horribly wrong. I cannot protect her from everything in this world. We need to do better. We need to teach young men that not only is rape and sexual harassment wrong, but it’s wrong to witness it and do nothing about it.

The statistics are staggering. According to victimsofcrime.org:

• Nearly 1 in 2 women experience physical sexual violence in their lifetime.
• More than 1 in 5 women have experienced completed or attempted rape
• Almost 1 in 3 women experience sexual harassment at work or in public places
• More than 1 in 4 women experience technology-facilitated sexual violence in their lifetime

These figures come from the CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, the most comprehensive national data source on sexual violence in the U.S. However, the numbers are likely higher; sexual violence is one of the most underreported crimes in the country. Any form of sexual activity without consent is sexual violence, whether it happens in person, online, or through technology.

I cannot speak for every woman, but I can speak for myself. Women should not have to:

• Be worried when out for a walk that every man is a potential threat.
• Hold their keys between their fingers as a weapon, “just in case”
• Send someone their location when leaving the house alone
• Be hyper aware of their surroundings at all times
• Worry their drinks will be drugged at a bar
• Be afraid to answer the door when home alone, especially if a man is knocking
• Be afraid to report a sexual assault for fear of not being believed, feeling ashamed or being dragged through the mud in court

When I worked at a bar and grill, I would often work the closing shift, which meant walking to my car alone at night when the cooks couldn’t stay to walk with me. Twice, I encountered men waiting next to my car who I had already told I wasn’t interested. I was terrified. One tried to get into my car, but I took off with him hanging onto the door handle.

I lived in a typical college house in River Falls while attending school there. We had parties at the house, but usually only people we knew were invited. One night I woke up in my room with my roommate’s friend on top of me, trying to assault me. I screamed but no one heard me. I kicked him as hard as I could and he got angry. He said I’d been asking for it all night, when I hadn’t even spoken to him because I thought he was a creep. Thankfully, he left. I didn’t report it because I thought I had done something wrong to cause it. I also lost my friend because of it, because he didn’t believe his friend would do something like that.

A woman who is incapacitated by alcohol or drugs is not able to give consent. While I was not incapacitated that night, even if I was, that is not an open invitation to do as one pleases.

It’s our responsibility to teach our young men to speak out against sexual assault, what consent means, that “no means no,” that women are not sexual objects. Something has to change.