Sarah Nigbor

Happy New Year 2025! I can hardly believe the year 2025 is here. This is the year my oldest stepson will graduate from high school. How is that even possible? A year from now he’ll be gone to college and everything will be different. We as parents wish so long for things to be different. For kids to be more independent; for the endless practices, games and tournaments to be done; for the house to be quieter and cleaner. And then when that is about to happen, it hits like a ton of bricks. You think it will never come and then suddenly it’s on the horizon.  

I did not give birth to Ethan (17), Dawson (15) and Lincoln (14), but I love them like my own. They’ve been in my life for 10 years now and it’s like they’ve always been in it. It was a big change going from one child to four when I married their dad. In fact, I didn’t know how big a change it would be. Being a stepmother is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also one of the most rewarding.

I can certainly tell you that every preconceived notion I ever had about blending our families flew out the window once it really happened. At times I felt more alone in my own house than I’d ever felt. Other times my heart has swelled with joy when I least expected it. If anything, I learned to expect the unexpected.

I’ve never been thrilled with handling anything unexpected. I like things being planned out, knowing exactly what is going to happen, having everything fall into place, all neat and perfect and tied up with a bow. Stepparenting is rarely wrapped up in a neat bow, and neither is life.

This past year has been one of the most challenging of my life. It’s not a year I would relive if you paid me. Some of it has been shared in this column, some has not. But I learned a lot about myself navigating some major challenges this year and I have to say, I’m more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been. I understand myself better.

I learned that I cannot control everything in my life (shocking I know), and that to maintain some semblance of sanity and inner peace, it’s essential to give myself grace. It’s okay to have days where I feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to be angry or hurt, as long as I acknowledge it and move on. It’s okay to not feel obligated to do what I believe everyone expects of me. Doing my best is enough. Trying my hardest is enough.

My mom being hospitalized and moved into a care facility has brought up a lot of feelings I never wanted to confront. The journey has been filled with things that are unexpected. My mantra, whether it’s completing work for the paper, figuring out next steps for mom or being a stepmom, has become “one moment, one task at a time.” And another ideal I’ve been concentrating on is living in each moment.

This Christmas, none of us knew what to expect; we just knew it would be different. Instead of concentrating on what wasn’t the same as in past years, we tried to value each moment as it was. No expectations, just taking each moment as it came. The best gift came at the end of Christmas Day after dropping my mom off at the care facility (she had spent Christmas Eve overnight with us) when she wrapped her arms around me and said, “I didn’t know what this Christmas would be like, but it’s been the best two days ever. It was marvelous.”

For 2025, I’ll work hard to take one moment at a time, to value the unexpected good moments and to remember that not all gifts come wrapped up in a neat and perfect bow.