Posted 9/15/21

WOODWORKING It worked for Rudy, maybe it will beat Covid? Adults ingest the darnedest things, to paraphrase Art Linkletter's program about kids. Take my Grandma Wood. My father recalled his …

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It worked for Rudy, maybe it will beat Covid?

Adults ingest the darnedest things, to paraphrase Art Linkletter's program about kids. Take my Grandma Wood. My father recalled his childhood when she dosed her little boy's winter cold with homemade cough syrup and a famous over-the-counter salve.

“She made her syrup by boiling copious amounts of brown sugar and chopped onions, until it was thick and gooey and stuck to the linings of my throat and induced in me an incredibly smelly dragon's breath.” he recalled.

And the salve? “Ma didn't rub it on my chest as recommended. She made me swallow big gobs of it.”

“SWALLOW it?” I gasped. “Yup.” he replied. “I guess it never hurt me.” But it certainly scarred him emotionally because his adult cure for a sore throat was always to take a HANDFUL of aspirins, toss them into his mouth and suck on them until they disintegrated and coated his throat. “Kinda sour” he explained, “But sour is one of my favorite flavors.”

So much for Grandma, except that when she got older, she developed arthritis and to cure it she drank gallons of hot alfalfa tea. So much of it, Grandpa said, “that I'll be damned if I didn't hear her moo yesterday.”

I've read about scores of remedies, and I know scores of folks who drink a healthy shot of vinegar every morning, and some who prefer Jack Daniels whiskey. I even got tips from authors when I was a book reviewer. One gentleman, whose name I have forever expunged from my memory, sent me a book he had authored about the efficacy of powdered cayenne pepper as a cure for almost anything—including hemorrhoids. Uff Da. But until very recently, my top contender for a darned ingestion was Rudolf Jackson, a hawkfaced farmer who doubled as a cello player in Scandinavian violinist Leonard Finseth’s old time orchestra. Rudy disappeared from the quintet for a time because he developed arthritis in his hands, death to a cello player.

But one night, my B.W. and I were at a barn dance and there was Rudolf fiddling away, his mellow cello propped between his bony knees. At intermission, I asked Rudy about his recovery.

“Ya,” Rudy replied. “My hands were so terrible with arthritis that I had to quit playing. Then I remember Pa had the same problem and started eating liver someone told him about. Every morning a slab of raw liver. And be damned if he didn't get well. Kinda hard to eat raw because it slipped around when chewed. But my daughter gave me a blender for Christmas . Didn't know what to do with it and got the idea to buy some beef liver and grind it up raw in the Waring and drink it for breakfast. I got better right away. Now I drink a slab of raw liver liquid every morning and I'm back fiddling with Leonard.”

So for years Rudolph Jackson belonged in my book of personal bests. But no longer. For last night when watching the news, I heard about the new anti-vaxxer diet. Let me say at the outset I have no quarrel with people who refuse to be vaccinated for Covid, because there are so many of you. But I would suggest you refrain the current craze announced on TV and in every newspaper.

The craze? Folks who worry about getting the virus, but don't trust the vaccine have been looking for available substitutes, which has resulted in a shortage of medicine designed for horses who have worms, which causes big problems for equine programs at places like my neighbor, the University of Wisconsin-River Falls. Worse, it was recently reported that in Mississippi, where “horse paste” flies off the shelf in veterinary clinics. One farmer injected some into his arm and ended up in the hospital for nine days.

So if you're worried about contracting Covid, you'd be better off with a raw liver slush. It worked for Rudy.

Dave would like to hear from hear from you. Phone him at 715-426-9554.